Moving Into Another Era

By Dawn Sneden

It is no mistake that the acronym for “Mentors of Ministry” is MOM. If you are a mother, you will immediately recognize the connection. A mother is the very first mentor a child has. Since I have three sisters and also have three daughters, I have learned a thing or two about the female half of the human race.

Many of us grew up within the era of the feminist movement, hearing such commercial slogans as: “You’ve got your own cigarette now, baby. You’ve come a long, long way!” and “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, ever let you forget you’re a man, cuz I’m a woman…” Apparently pop culture thought smoking a skinny cigarette and being “superwoman” was a sign that we had finally arrived! For a while, many women bought into the theory and followed the crowd. As they became parents, much of what was passed on to their daughters was the “I can do it all by myself and I don’t need you” mentality. On its face it sounded right – after all, we are equal to men, aren’t we? But I can tell you that our society has reaped a bad harvest from this movement and women are right in the middle of it.

As mothers, we set the tone for our children and especially for our daughters. Time and again I have seen girls fall into one of several categories: 1) tough cookie; 2) wet noodle; and 3) cotton candy. The tough cookie often swears like a sailor and doesn’t let anyone near her; she hates being dependent on anyone. The wet noodle gave up a long time ago on being her own person, so she allows herself to be manipulated by anyone who gives her attention. The cotton candy is like a big ball of fluff, being tossed to and fro with no real direction, always looking pretty but having no visible substance.

What do you want your daughter to be? What are you telling her about being a girl/woman? Does she understand that God intentionally made us different than man? Is she being taught to see herself as God sees her? Do you mentor her in a way that puts her on the path God has for her?

God created each of us with a spirit. “For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb….” (Psalm 139:13). Your daughter needs to hear how important she is to God – He created her for a unique purpose and her fulfillment will only lie there. “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). Forget about self-esteem; she needs “Savior-esteem”. Whatever God has for her is exactly who she should be – future wife, mother, business owner, politician, doctor, prayer warrior, hairdresser, lawyer, teacher, nurse, pastor, worship leader, missionary, farmer – or any endless combination of things. She needs to grasp that it really doesn’t matter what she does, as long as she is doing what God has called her to do.

Part of mentoring a daughter is planting good seed. A follow-up step is to nurture the ground where your daughter grows and to build a fence around her to protect the seeds you have planted. Good soil is nurtured through daily time with God (for both of you), meeting with other believers, and service to others. For our daughters’ protection, we need to set boundaries concerning what she wears, what she listens to, what she watches, and who she hangs out with. She needs to be shown physical affection by her parents and needs to be reaffirmed of her worth and value.

Then we need to slowly remove portions of the fence as she matures, giving her room to grow, as well as make her own mistakes. Mentoring takes on a whole new level as we learn to know when to give input and when to be quiet, when to interfere and when to let her experience consequences.

What begins to happen next is a continual process of mentoring. Your daughter begins to mentor younger girls, encouraging them to live in a way that pleases God. Other mothers with daughters younger than yours seek your advice. Mentoring is a picture of a woman with one hand extended upward to her mentor, and one hand extended backward to someone she is mentoring. This unbreakable chain is what will make not only women strong, but society in general. Women as a whole have a natural, God-given bent to nurture, reflecting God’s “softer side”. Consider some of these Biblical attributes: loving, merciful, compassionate, forgiving, “as a hen who gathers her chicks under her wings…” (Luke 13:34).

Where do you begin? Right where you are. Seek out an older woman (possibly in age, but more importantly with mature qualities that you admire), and ask if she is willing to be your mentor. If you are a mother, mentor your daughter. If you have no daughter, mentor someone else’s daughter. Be open, be honest, and be committed. Let’s move forward to bring the world a new kind of woman, one whose heart is toward God and whose hand is toward others.