What Am I Doing and Where Is This Taking Me?

By Susan Dunning

I recently visited my daughter in Panama where she is a missionary with a group called YWAM (Youth With A Mission). She made a commitment to live in Panama for two years. I made the trip to see where she lives, to meet the people she now calls her family and to make sure that she is settled in her new “digs”.

As we were shopping for some items she needed to get established, she picked up an embellished throw pillow and said, “Why do I desire a nice home where I can put this pretty pillow but yet live here in Panama where I share a room with 3 other women?”

I immediately started thinking about all the times in my life when I’ve wondered, “God, why am I here?” Or as Frank Peretti put it in his book The Prophet, What am I doing and where is this taking me? There were moments when I knew that God had a plan, but other times when I felt hurt or rejected and thought for sure God had made a mistake or, moreover, I had done something wrong to get myself into a predicament.

In Philippians 2:12-18, Paul stresses God’s role in salvation, both the immediate decision to follow Jesus and then our subsequent evolution. Our journey to become more like Christ requires obedience without murmuring and complaining. This is true even if we don’t understand where He is taking us at the time.

About 13 years ago, my youth pastor offered me a job as his assistant. I had been volunteering in youth ministry for a couple of years. He already had an assistant with whom I would work alongside and I knew we would work well together. My current position at a hospital provided a decent wage and benefits which I would have to maintain. He proposed the position to our senior pastor who said he would not be able to provide a lateral move. As a single mom with rent to pay and a child to support, I could not take the position. He wouldn’t budge (that is how I saw it at the time). I was hurt and dismayed. I thought he liked me, yet he was unwilling to negotiate Therefore, I kept my job at the hospital. At the same time, my future husband was a medical student and became a resident physician at the hospital in which I was working. One day we met while I was sitting at my computer at work. Hind sight is…, well, you know. I’m so thankful for obedience on everybody’s part.

Hebrews 6:9-20 gives us a lesson in faith to follow. Verse 12 says, “…that you do not become sluggish but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.” If God fulfilled His promises to Abraham, wouldn’t He do the same for you? The key is faith in God, that He cannot lie (Numbers 23:19), and that His promise for you is better than you can imagine. When you are facing a struggle, or you are wondering, “What am I doing here?”, think of that embellished pillow, which is part of your promise. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.”